the past few months have flown by. once when i was consumed by various social activities i have now begun to be consumed by various academic activities. i aspire to learn more about the spanish language and computer programming, yet i lack balance and become arguably consumed by these activities. for example, today there is some sort of hilarious st patricks day parade downtown. the every day ‘normal’ people are out and about, putting their best and finest green attire on and trying to play the part. no doubt it is simply a way for them to enjoy their life, participate in the conformity based social activity that undoubtedly makes them happy to some degree.
anyway, my point in saying that now is that i feel i have become somewhat detached and indifferent towards this phenomenon. whereas several months ago i would have spazzed out had i not participated in these activities, now i really truly don’t care. but the lack of caring is not a product of indifference, instead it seems to be based on some sort of knowledge. i just KNOW that things won’t change, that people will be as they are, these sort of indifferent selfish creatures that react to base emotional instincts on somewhat predictable ways. granted, people are also incredibly nuanced, with great beauty and emotion and care and compassion. yet the fact of the matter is they for the most part abide by social norms and standards, act in predictable ways, and don’t GIVE to people without having seemingly received something in return. basically, to summarize, ‘people are busy and don’t have time to really give because they are so busy with their busy lives’
i don’t know, to me that just seems like some sort of auto-pilot bullshit. i know that people are out their doing crazy awesome things but where are they? unfortunately in order for me to find them i have to exert a crazy amount of effort, do so in a systematic fashion without seeming overly needy or reachy, and i have to get lucky. it’s pretty crazy that we have to work so hard just to meet people when there are people that want to meet new people everywhere. it’s like, on the inside we really want to reach out and be ‘at oneness’ with some other person, but there are all these crazy contrived barriers in our way. it’s a wildly inefficient system. at it’s core these problems are basically rooted in our common lack of similiarity, likely caused by our wildly different upbringings. we just don’t have too much in common at first glance, and because we’re afraid to really relate and be judged, we just don’t give, we don’t don’t take that risk.
the more i’ve observed this stuff going on around me, the more i’ve realized a lot of it is sort of a waste of my time. people are going to go to the parade today, get totally trashed, have their type of fun, be loud, be noisy, be reckless, be stupid, fuck someone literally and figuratively, and go home. tomorrow they will talk about their revelries with their friends and say what a great time they had; they will also likely complain about a hangover.
my point is that THIS REPEATS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again and no one really stops to say, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!
isn’t that fucking crazy?
there is some idealistic notion that we are all on this planet together and we can really do something absolutely fucking incredible, that we can really bind together in a moment of seriousness and understanding and just fucking make a change, but it never happens.
ever think to yourself, something has to change? something has to give?
you can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.
Posted in thoughts and emotions
